Tuesday, 10 November 2015

Changes & Mistake #5

In the past few months I've made some long overdue changes in my life. Finally, after almost seven years, I changed my job. I was bored out of my mind, there were zilch opportunities for promotion, no matter how hard I worked, and my two male bosses did everything they could to make my life a misery. I interviewed in lots of places, but I either didn't like them or they did like me! But in the end the right thing come through and I gleefully handed in my resignation. Then followed a six week break where I travelled lots:

First stop, New York!

Central Park:

The newly-opened Freedom tower:

Here's me at the Top of the Rock in New York!

Then we went to Tenerife in the Canary Islands for some R&R:

Then I went sailing on the Solent for a week and took part in the Round the Island Race, which was great fun. Here's one of the 1,500 boats going around the Needles. It took us 10 hours to get round the whole of the Isle of Wight!

Then I started my new job in July, and it's been great. I'm no longer being bullied by odious misogynists, I'm working in a fab part of London I've never worked in before, and my job is much more interesting. A win all round! 

DH and I took a week off in August and sailed around the beautiful Ionion Islands in Greece - utterly stunning:

A Greek cat sheltering in the shade of the gangway

Breakfast: thick, delicious Greek yoghurt covered in fresh fruit with local honey, washed down with a glass of freshly-squeezed orange juice. Bliss!

But it wasn't to last. For which I take full responsibility. Four weeks ago I discovered I was pg. Oh dear. I went to get dated at my local early pregnancy unit and they told me I was just over seven weeks gone. Today we had the 11/12 week scan. And I'm sure you can guess the outcome, dear reader. Our miracle was not to be. The nuchal was 5-6mm, making a CVS totally unnecessary. It was clear this baby is unbalanced like all the others. So that's the end of that unfortunately. The consultant saw me today and said that sterilisation would unlikely be suitable for me as I've had previous serious abdominal surgery, which would heighten the risk of complications if they tried to operate to clip my tubes. We are still on the egg donation waiting list at the hospital and we have enrolled with an egg donation agency, so perhaps something will turn up. It's just such a shame to be pregnant, and not to be able to love and look forward to the arrival of your baby, like it seems the rest of the world gets to do. 


  1. This breaks my heart. I am so, so sorry.

  2. I am so very sorry to read this. I've not commented before but your blog really helped me last year when we made the horrendous decision to TFMR at 27 weeks. I am now pregnant with donor sperm. 10 weeks and dreading the anomaly scans that I have to come. I was scouring the Web again and revisited your blog. I really hope a donor comes your way soon, and that you get a 'take home' baby one day. I wanted to thank you for sharing your experiences and writing your story. I'm sure it's helped others as much as me.

    1. I'm very happy that my blog has helped you on your journey, in however small a contribution. Congratulations on your pregnancy, and I really hope this One works out. Keep me posted!

  3. I'm so sorry to read this - I have continued to think of you often. We were successful with donor sperm (my husband had the translocation) against very bad odds and after many years. I pray the same for you.

  4. Thank you for your kind words. Hopefully we'll have some luck in 2016. I'm glad it worked out for eventually.

  5. I am so, so sorry to read about your loss. I am really hoping that your next attempt with a donor will work.

  6. I am so sorry. My heart hurts for you. There are just no words to bring justice to your grief and your journey. I'm just so terribly sorry.