All four were unbalanced

Just had the confirmation I wanted: all four embryos were unbalanced.

Snake

Looks like I spoke too soon. We've just been kicked down a snake again. Of our four embryos, 'none are suitable for transfer.' I don't know if that's because they were all unbalanced or whether some did not survive the biopsy or whatever, because the guy telling me this news did not have any of that information. So I'm very hacked off. In addition, our 'follow up appointment' is not for another four weeks. Four weeks wait to get more information. It can't change what's happened, but it would be nice to know the details. This whole thing has been another spectacular waste of time... and of hope.

Hope

An odd, unfamiliar feeling has come over me over the past couple of days, especially since yesterday. It's a feeling of lightness, replacing what I realise is a persistent heaviness. I think it's hope. We haven't been kicked down yet another snake yet; we are still hanging on to a rung on the ladder. As of yesterday, we still had four embryos. They'd survived since Saturday and today we'll find out if any of them are free of this unbalanced translocation. I realise that I've actually hated being alive these past three years. I know it is utterly ludicrous compared to people living with chronic or terminal illnesses, but I have actually hated being conscious this whole, entire time. My mind has not been able to stop thinking about our situation. From the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep, that's the dominate thought running through my brain. Every other activity offers only temporary distraction. You know it's got to be bad when you actually look forward, as I did on Friday, to the oblivion of a general anaesthetic. For half an hour or so my poor, exhausted brain was completely switched off, getting a much-needed rest from the never-ending battering of its own thoughts.

Embryos

They rang us this morning, and out of our nine eggs, five were mature and of these five, four fertilised. So we have four embryos. Let's hope they last till Monday when they will be tested for this BT.

Eggs collected

The egg collection happened this morning, and they got nine. We'll find out by the end of Tuesday whether we have any embryos suitable to transfer.